Your favourite song:
Wonderwall by Oasis
I first fell in love with this when I was in about grade three and I love it all over again every time I hear it. It’s so sweet and simple and just plain good.

Your least favourite song:
From Paris to Berlin by Infernal
When I was in high school I had a few friends who found out how much this song drove me up the wall and played it all the time just to annoy me. One guy had it on a mix CD in his car for that very reason!

A song that makes you happy:
It’s Electric by Metallica
Any song that starts with a riff that punchy and “Gonna be a rock and roll star” has to be good, and this one definitely puts a smile on my face. It only lets up from being cool as a pair of dark sunnies for the hilarious lyric, “I stop on red but I leave on amber; danger paves my way”. The idea of James Hetfield rebelliously cruising through a yellow light because he’s so ‘dangerous’ is pure gold.

A song that makes you sad:
One More Step Along the World I Go
At Mont Albert primary school, this is the traditional song the grade six class sing as a farewell on their last assembly. I’ve never liked change, and leaving so many friends and memories behind was a very sad goodbye for me.

A song that reminds you of someone:
Nights in White Satin by The Moody Blues
This song will always remind me of my dad. It’s been his favourite for longer than I’ve been alive, and it’s a testament to the beauty of both the joy and the sorrow you can find in love.

A song that reminds you of somewhere:
Le Chemin by Kyo
On my school trip to France when I was 16, this band was all the rage. The group of exchange students introduced us Australians to them and it takes me right back to the freezing, strict, stylish school in Arras.

A song that reminds you of a certain event:
Sway by Lostprophets
This 10 minute journey of a song has an instrumental second half, and it was this part that I did my black belt karate demonstration to, at the annual dinner dance a few years go. That album, Start Something, makes me think of karate still.

A song that you know all the words to:
The Way I Am by Eminem
Forget song, I know all the words to the entire album Marshall Mathers LP. The first profane album my older sister had when we were at the end of primary school, we played this to death and loved it.

A song that you can dance to:
Crush by Anthrax
This is the one that pumps me up before a big night out – LOUD is the only volume it deserves. Dancing around in my bedroom playing air guitar to this will rev me up every time.

A song that makes you fall asleep:
Circles by Birds of Tokyo
I’m not usually a fan of Birds of Tokyo; I heartily prefer singer Ian Kenny in his Karnivool outfit. But he has such a gorgeous voice, and this song makes for a really sweet lullaby.

A song from your favourite band:
One by Metallica
Metallica introduced me to heavy metal, and they’ll always hold a special place in my heart. I love the energy, strength and versatility of the band – from blues to thrash metal to country to pop to punk, there’s nothing they can’t pull off with flair.

A song from a band you hate:
Grenade by Bruno Mars
This kid shits me right off. I’ll admit that he has a lovely singing voice, but everything that he actually says sounds so fake. What’s here meant to be an angst-filled, passionate love song just comes off sounding whiny and insincere. Awful.

A song that is a guilty pleasure
Pussy by Rammstein
Yes, it’s rude, and crass, and misogynistic. But it’s so damn catchy!

A song that no one would expect you to love:
ABC theme by Pendulum
I’m not into dance music, and clubbing is certainly not my scene – but Pendulum’s remix of the classic news theme song gets me every time. It’s masterful in its simplicity, and makes something serious outrageously fun.

A song that describes you:
Marlene on the Wall by Suzanne Vega
I had a lot of trouble with this one, because I think other people are probably best at describing me. But this song leapt to mind because it effortlessly taps into a lot of my insecurities: being alone, skirting around the ‘danger zone’ instead of confronting problems, struggling with power games between women and men. That and I have a painting of myself on my wall; the girl in it is very different to who I am today.

A song that you used to love but now hate:
Because I Want You Too by Placebo
It’s a great song, but now just holds too many memories. It reminds me of the danger that passion brings – wanting someone isn’t always a good idea.

A song that you hear often on the radio:
Tonight I’m Lovin’ You by Enrique Iglesias
Whenever I’m driving I prefer having the radio on to sitting in silence, and this comes on at least once a trip. This guy did super-sappy ‘Hero’ untold years ago and seems to have run out of easy money or something, because he’s back with this song, which will never be as popular. Nice try though.

A song that you wish you heard on the radio:
Edge by A Million Dead Birds Laughing
Australian heavy metal is fantastic and deserves more props, especially this band. They’re a delight live, with their eccentric, eye-rolling lead singer and air of concentration that borders on the insane. More heavy metal lovers should get a piece of this.

A song from your favourite album:
Heartwork by Carcass
From the album Heartwork, which is death metal at its pinnacle of sophistication – every track is solid.

A song that you listen to when you’re angry
Hammer Smashed Face by Cannibal Corpse
Picture this: you’re angry. What’s going to make you feel better than raging along with smashing someone in the face with a hammer? I don’t know either.

A song that you listen to when you’re happy
R**K the Vote by Carcass
This just bounces along – from the intro to the guitar solo and beyond, it’s full of  happy vibes. Rock on!

A song that you listen to when you’re sad
Bonheur Amputé by Amesoeurs
I can’t tell you how much I love this song. It screams into my very soul, it’s so beautiful and strong and complex. I love the light and the dark in it, it’s perfect for capturing a sad mood of mine.

A song that you want to play at your wedding:
Baby Can I Hold You Tonight by Tracy Chapman
This one depends far too much on who I marry to be of any accuracy today, so this one’s really just a romantic song that doesn’t make me want to vomit. You can’t say no to Tracy Chapman.

A song that you want to play at your funeral:
Breathe Me by Sia
I’m aware that it’s awfully clichéd to echo a television show for memorable events, but I can’t think of a better song to play me out. This featured on the final episode of Six Feet Under, and it’s beautiful. “Be my friend, hold me, wrap me up” strikes me as a lovely way to be farewelled.

A song that makes you laugh:
Dungeons and Dragons by Tripod
I love a good comedy rock band, and Tripod are up there with the best of them. “It was a long sword, plus one, with a plus two damage bonus against the undead”. Dungeons and dragons is a questing forum that players take very seriously, so of course it’s hilarious to make fun of it.

A song that you can play on an instrument:
Push by Matchbox 20
Although I still don’t have the courage to play my guitar and sing in front of anyone, I have recorded myself having a go at this. I love singing, I know that I sound dreadful, and that’s fine with me. I enjoy it anyway.

A song that you wish you could play:
Crystal Mountain by Death
The guitar work. The brutality. The awesomeness.

A song that makes you feel guilty:
Wicked Game by Chris Isaac
“What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way ; what a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you”. Falling for the wrong one – oh, how I have been there!

A song from your childhood:
Be Prepared from The Lion King
This was my favourite movie as a child, and heralded the beginning of my empathy for villains. I’ve always had a soft spot for the antiheroes and evil characters in popular culture, because I find them to be the most truthful.

Your favourite song at this time last year
One Step by Dead Letter Circus
I saw this Australian band live about five or six times last year, my best friend and I got a bit obsessed with them! We had good reason to, they always put on an incredible show. This video clip is shot in a gorgeous rewound sequence and is definitely worth a watch.

Dad, a keen cycler himself, leapt to the rescue. “You know, you could always go to the nearest set of traffic lights and wait there, it’d probably be quicker. Actually, there’s probably a better route you could take. Let’s get out the Melways, I’ll show you the way I ride”.

I knew dad was trying to help – he was showing me he cared about my problem. But instead of being grateful for the advice, I just got angrier. “I’ve already worked out a way to get to uni! The traffic is just impossible!”

It’s not that I didn’t need a solution to my problem, and I did end up taking some quieter back streets to avoid those main roads. At that moment though, my main issue wasn’t actually the traffic, it was feeling frustrated. I didn’t want an answer, I just wanted to complain.

There’s a lot that gets said about fundamental differences between men and women. People say that men are more logical, women are more emotional, and usually I find this a sweeping generalisation that’s rarely fair.

In the case of complaining though, I have to admit that I’ve found a pattern. If I told my mum or sisters about how annoying it was to get home that day, I doubt they would’ve presented me with something different to try. Instead, they probably would’ve said, “that sucks. I know what you mean though, the traffic was really slow on my way home too.”

That’s why I find this ad so amusing –the ‘perfect’ man says, “when there are no women to listen to, I practice my listening face”. It pokes fun directly at this divide between men wanting to fix things and women wanting to understand.

Complaining, in moderation, is a way that people put their problems into words, vent their frustrations and – most importantly – seek empathy. No matter what problems we face, the worst part about them is feeling alone.

If you’ve ever found it more comforting to confide in someone facing the same challenge as you are, you probably know what it is to feel better through feeling understood.

Once when I was having trouble getting through to a friend, I talked to someone for an hour about different approaches, tactics to try, ways to manage my stress levels and what was going wrong with the current situation. After the conversation, I reflected that the best and most helpful thing she had said was, “that must be really hard for you”.

It’s great to get advice from someone who cares about you, and problems do need to be fixed in the end. But sometimes, what you really need is just to be heard.

“You have your music videos,” he said, “made by some corporate big shot, with sluts and idiots selling softcore porn to your children, and you tell me my music is offensive”.

Lady Gaga film clip 'Alejandro'

I’ve heard a lot about heavy metal that isn’t kind. That it’s stupid sounds for stupid people. That the vocalists sound like the Cookie Monster. That it isn’t music, it’s noise. When apparently, some flamboyantly-named disc jockey pressing the ‘play’ button on a bunch of sounds manufactured by a computer is music.

I went to see Melbourne heavy metal outfit Be’lakor recently, and was amazed by their talent. The lead singer, instead of customary flowing locks to headbang with, was sporting a cleanly cropped ‘do. When I remarked on the hairstyle, I was told that he had to keep it short because during the day, he was a lawyer.

Be'lakor

Stupid people indeed.

Before I knew heavy metal existed, I used to get my inappropriate-music kicks from Eminem. Once when I was about ten or eleven, my mother heard my older sister and I discussing the lyrics to Stan. Wanting to protect me from such obscenities, she took my Eminem cassette out of my room and taped over it with the first Savage Garden album. I was heartbroken – and it didn’t stop me from enjoying offensive music.

I know mum had good intentions when she took away my beloved Eminem tape. But I know that, if asked whether I would let my children listen to heavy metal, I would say yes. Instead of harming my innocent mind, I’ve actually found heavy metal to be cathartic as well as uplifting.

Neige and Audrey Sylvain from Amesoeurs

But, some might ask, what if my child wants something else? What if they want to listen to the pop stars, the manufactured sounds, the softcore pornography video clips of their day?

Then I’ll say, sit down. Listen. And if Cannibal Corpse’s Hammer Smashed Face doesn’t make you want to pump your fists, if Amesoeurs’ Bonheur Amputé doesn’t scream into your soul, if Slayer’s Raining Blood doesn’t send shivers down your spine and if Metallica’s Nothing Else Matters doesn’t make you fall in love, then I’ll be the very first person to buy you whatever music makes those feelings come alive for you.

Because in the end, finding the music you love is the greatest gift of all.

@LuluAttack: I’m going to watch the 1938 movie Robin Hood and eat soup for dinner

@PalpFaction: I’ve had a pretty good dvd day

@kassi_grace: Went all the way to Tafe to be told I could go home. I got out of bed and everything!

@jessamy_sesame: it’s choc chip peanut butter biscuit time

I’ve been on Twitter for a little while now, and one of the major criticisms I hear about it is that it’s full of trivial details about people’s lives. It’s even been described as the most boring, banal pastime ever invented.

People telling you what they had for lunch. Quotes from TV shows. Silly little thoughts that go nowhere. But while it’s true that many tweets are devoid of depth and substance, banality is just what makes the medium so successful.

People adore the banal, and nowhere is this more apparent than the Melbourne Comedy Festival. Big names and bigger headshots are splashed across posters and promise their prospective audiences untold amounts of hilarity. But when you go to a show, instead of the mysteries of the universe, you get a catalogue of the very small things in life indeed.

Arj Barker

At this year’s comedy gala, we had Russell Kane hunting for girls with low self-esteem because he has none of his own, Wil Anderson impersonating a pushy fragrance salesman who told him it wasn’t a fragrance, it was a weapon, and Sammy J divulging a range of ‘secrets’ that included eating a friend’s lasagne, texting while driving, jaywalking and pissing in the spa.

Frank Woodley

And people laugh their figurative heads off. Because when it comes down to it, the banalities of life are the things we spend the most time doing. Brushing our teeth, waiting for the train, losing our keys, being irritated by customer service. Even extreme sports calendar models can relate to wanting that extra few minutes in bed in the morning.

It’s the little things that make up every day that we share with other people, knowing they do the same things. And through telling stories, cracking jokes or posting these mundane realities on Twitter, I think whatever keeps us together as humans is worth celebrating.

Boring or not.

The idea of forcing a company to promote a certain number of women to a senior management level seems like an easy solution, but I think it will raise more problems than it solves. Here’s why.

In mixed-gender PE classes, the teacher will sometimes instigate a rule during ball sports that means a team can’t score a goal without the ball first being handled by at least two girls. Sounds like a great way of getting everyone into the game, but instead what happens is that the boys will stop playing as they were, and with a dramatic roll of the eyes pass the football/basketball/puck to the nearest girl, only to have it immediately returned. Do the girls get to touch the ball? Yes. Do they feel valued, appreciated, and like they’ve made a worthy contribution to the team? No. They feel patronised and stupid, made to perform as part of a token gesture.

I’m not saying that women don’t belong on boards, or that if they were forcibly elected that they wouldn’t do a damn fine job. I just think that having a quota is going to inspire resentment in the males who should have been more respectful in the first place and potentially self-doubt in women who may feel as though they’ve only been included to avoid a spanking From Higher Up.

Other ways to include women in companies could be:

• Encouraging women to apply for management positions so they feel as though they have a chance of achieving the role
• A policy that sees all resumes handed in contain no gender-identifying features such as a first name or title
• Catered meetings during lunchtime instead of having them after-hours when women may be occupied with their family
• Maternity and paternity leave to encourage a men to take on domestic responsibilities as well as their partners
• Fostering a culture of acceptance instead of enforcing rigid gender roles

Then again, progress is slow. In the 1992 government report ‘Half Way to Equal’, the recommendation for ‘action strategies’ to redress gender imbalances in senior positions was supported. It’s almost 20 years later, and I can’t see much evidence of things changing.

Maybe people will only see that women are capable of playing the game if they have to pass them the ball. Maybe it’s just going to take a much longer time than we were hoping for. Either way, if women and men could get on board with this, we could all kick a lot more goals.

Over time, my handwriting became neater and neater, and now it’s a tight cursive – but there’s still crooked lines, skinny loops and sloppy corners. It’s not a flawless print, and it never will be.

Even in popular use, the idea of ‘perfect’ usually ends up just meaning ‘adequate’ or ‘to a high standard’ – for example, the perfect candidate for a job is the one that fits all the criteria. I hardly think an employer, upon finding an employee they deem ‘perfect’, would realistically expect them to turn up to work at 9.00am on the dot every day or never make a mistake.

Likewise, although a great deal of fuss is made over celebrity bodies, if there was one ‘perfect’ quality to determine beauty, how could people differ in their opinion of the most beautiful woman?  The perfect body just doesn’t exist.

Nothing in life will ever be perfect, not even in airbrushed magazine covers or movies. When a girl sighs in the 1999 film American Pie that she wants the act of losing her virginity to be perfect, her friend is blunt: “It’s not a rocket launch. It’s sex”. Her point was that it doesn’t have to be meticulously planned out (although even rocket launches have their share of imperfect moments).

I’m never going to have a perfect life, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. Life is a damn messy business. You try at things and fail, you make mistakes, you waste your time and lose some things forever. That’s what makes all the good times so worthwhile. And I’m not going to spend my life waiting for the perfect moment, the perfect man, the perfect idea or the perfect time.

It’ll never come.

I’d heard that getting good photos of live music was one of the most notorious challenges of photography. The conditions are exactly what you don’t want – indoors, night time, low, rapidly changing light and lots of movement. It’s a nightmare.

So I thought I’d have a go.

Armed with my limited photography knowledge, my recently purchased Canon and a supportive friend, I headed out to Rock the Bay at the Espy, an alternative music lineup featuring 40 bands over three stages.

At first, I was bloody nervous. I didn’t want to push my way to the front and annoy the audience. I had no idea what setting to begin with. And when I discovered when there were other photographers there who clearly knew what they were doing, I felt even sillier. But pressing on, I tried lining up a good shot of the first band. This is what I came out with:

Yep. Blurry and crap. Gig photography was definitely going to be hard. Luckily, after I’d peeked at the settings of the more experienced photographer in front of me, I adjusted my own, headed off to the next band and tried again. And this time, after a few more dodgy shots, I got a few I liked.

Tim from the Tim McMillan Band

Lead singer of The Beards

The Beards in action

Lead singer of Barbarion

Barbarion guitarists

There were some seriously great bands there, which helped – The Beards, that sang songs about beards, including ‘No Beard, No Good (There’s Not Enough Beards in My Neighbourhood)’ and ‘If Your Dad Doesn’t Have a Beard, You’ve Got Two Mums’. There was Bellusira, with their energetic lead singer, the Tim McMillan band, who mashed up a variety of genres and guitared them to death, and Barbariön, the Viking metal band with some out-there costumes.

I’ve been to many a metal gig before, and knew there’d be other hazards at the show than bad lighting – so when I was shoved by drunk fans, had beer spilled on my leg, ducked out of the way of Barbarion spinning around a fan in the mosh pit and narrowly avoided being hit in the face by the long hair of a headbanger, I really only had myself to blame.

My camera and I survived however, and despite the vast number of bad shots I ended up with, I feel I’ve learned a lot. I’ll be back for more – hey, you’ve got to start somewhere.

As a sometime Bachelor of Arts student (albeit one with a major, which means I’ll actually get a job one day), I see hipsters every day of the week. You know the ones. They’re wearing an old knitted jumper with see-through tights to look as though they don’t care about fashion. They’re crowded into the café-that-also-sells-vinyl-records to deliberately not be seen at Starbucks. They love screenings of obscure movies. In fact, they love obscure anything at all because it makes them feel like they know more than the average, “mainstream” person.

Hipsters are also the least favourite subculture of the masses right now – they’ve taken over the place of emos for being shot down, with a raft of anti-hipster sentiment present in memes like Hipster Ariel and the infamous Being a Dickhead’s Cool song.

But why?

Style over substance is the main complaint here. While emos were denigrated for being melodramatic – complaining about how tormented they were although most of them came from very wealthy backgrounds – the gripe with hipsters is that they pretend to be knowledgeable and trendy, when in fact all they have down is the look. Superficiality rules in hipster-land, an ethos that is easily detected and hard to accept.

It’s the utter insincerity of the hipster that really irritates me. Just because someone spent five minutes on Wikipedia reading about Dadaism doesn’t mean their collage of photos is any more incredible than the zillions of other collages in the zillions of other bedrooms around the world.

The thing that annoys me the most, though, is that hipsters spend so long trying to look so unique and nonconformist that actually, they all end up looking the damn same. And isn’t that the most “mainstream” thing of all?

Really, the hipster movement has some positives. Hipsters are, after all, highly educated people who recycle, make an effort to avoid overly sexualised trends and aren’t afraid to have an opinion.

If only they didn’t smother it all with petty, egotistical wankery then people might actually start taking them seriously. Until then, I guess they’ll just have to keep on having new age fun, with a vintage feel.

1. Lolcats
What it is: Photos of cats with amusingly-spelled captions
Why I love it: Kitties! Doing cute things! And my god, the captions make me giggle every time. It’s not just the cah-razy things those cats get up to, it’s the community of people that invent lolcat lore like the Basement Cat and Ceiling Cat as deities, or fusing computer jokes with the photos. Pure gold.

2. Rickroll
What it is: Originating from online noticeboard 4chan, Rickrolling involves enticing someone on the Internet to click a link that reveals itself to be a clip of Rick Astley’s ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’
Why I love it: “You know the rules – and SO DO I!” The fact that this joke has become so widespread that newsreaders, comedy shows and even presidential campaigns have been hijacked is a testament to just how infuriatingly funny it is to be on the end of a Rickroll.

3. Bed Intruder
What it is: A news report of an attempted abduction remixed into a catchy tune.
Why I love it: Apart from the fact this tune gets stuck in your head like nobody’s business, the pure outrage of the victim’s brother Antoine Dodson, as well as his drawled catch phrases, is awesome to behold.

4. Old Spice guy
What it is: In the most successful viral advertisement campaign on the Internet, Old Spice’s charismatic spokesman Isaiah Mustafa promotes the cologne.
Why I love it: “Hello, ladies. Look at your man. Now back to me. Now back at your man. Now BACK to me! Sadly, he isn’t me. But if he wore Old Spice instead of ladies’ scented bodywash, he could smell like me.”
Be still, my beating heart. The over-the-top fantasy elements, video editing that keeps you enthralled and one very suave gentlemen make this worth watching over and over.

5. Bananaphone
What it is: A looped animated video extolling the virtues of the fictional Bananaphone. Cellular! Modular! Interactive-odular!
Why I love it: Back before I was particularly computer-savvy (oh come on, not much has changed), a sneaky friend of mine changed the video to my homepage. Cue it being stuck in my head constantly until I figured out how to get rid of the bastard.

6. The rest of the Weebl and Bob world
What it is: Flash cartoons of various amusements including animated foodstuffs and two ovals that really, really like pie
Why I love it: It’s a treasure trove of comedy, this one. Weebl and Bob convey so much with such a minimal design, and there’s plenty of other laughs to be found on this one site. Worth a long browse.

7. Demotivational posters
What is it: The opposite of the spirited ‘90s ‘motivational’ posters, usually featuring a sunset and a phrase summarising a concept such as ‘teamwork’.
Why I love it: Although sarcasm is reputed to be the lowest form of wit, it definitely works here!

8. Greatest freak-out ever
What it is: A secret video of someone’s brother going into hysterics when his parents cancel his World of Warcraft subscription
Why I love it: There’s just nothing like a hearty tantrum, and this one spirals so far out of control it borders on insanity. What is this guy DOING? Why do his clothes vanish when he disappears underneath the doona? Does he really need to scream “I hate my LIFE” just because of a computer game? And by Great Odin’s Raven, does he REALLY need to push a remote up his bottom just to offset the agony?

9. Double rainbow
What it is: A video of two rainbows in the sky and a man enchanted by the sight.
Why I love it: Come ON! Look at this guy. Look at how happy he is that there’s a double rainbow in the sky! I don’t know or care what he’s on, it makes me laugh just watching it. This one has the extra value of having the phrase ‘double rainbow’ incorporated into daily speech, as in, “that is so double rainbow” when something goes well. Win.

10. Numa numa guy
What it is: One of the original memes, a dorky dude enthusiastically mimes to ‘Dragostea’ by Romanian group Ozone.
Why I love it: It makes you laugh because despite the silliness, it’s genuine. There’s nothing but pure joy on this man’s face as he launches into a finger-splaying, arm-pumping frenzy of lust for the featured tune.

Any memes that should be ranked higher? Any I’ve left out? Share your favourite memes below…

I can’t think of a harder job than being a new mother. You’ve just had a fresh human ripped from your insides, you’re sleep-deprived, wading through domestic chores and don’t get a moment to yourself. Then you step outside for a glimpse at your old, baby-free life, and WHAM.

Some dick complains about you breastfeeding your child.

The "disgusting" act of breastfeeding

Seriously? People can’t take a pair of breasts out in public? When it’d be fine if they were advertising perfume. Or pumped up with silicone and on the front of a men’s magazine, or on display attached to a sunbathing beauty.

These breasts? Fine. Breasts actually doing their job? No way.

Try this on for size: Feeding infants is what breasts are FOR. It’s what they’re designed to do. The amount of whinging about this astounds me – women can even be charged with indecent exposure for breastfeeding in America.

Women being asked to leave restaurants for nourishing a child is especially insulting. It’s a restaurant! You’re eating! I’ve seen fully-grown adults dine in public areas that make far more indecent viewing than a quietly feeding baby. And what’s more, if you don’t breastfeed an infant, it won’t take that quietly – and I’d much rather share public space with a feeding baby than a screaming one.

...but not welcome anywhere else

To combat this sort of stigma, some health care associations and other companies have put up signs reading: ‘Breastfeeding welcome here’. Their intentions may be good, but all this implies is that it’s not welcome anywhere else, that women need a designated area to breastfeed. As though it were something to be ashamed of doing in public, like urinating or smoking, instead of feeding a child.

A lot can go wrong if a baby isn’t fed – they can suffer from lack of energy and nutrients, miss out on important bonding with a parent and get fatigued. All the people walking by have to put up with is a glimpse of a breast.