Noise

Watching comedian Steve Hughes at the Comedy Festival, I heard him say something I’ve so often thought myself that I wanted to scream out my agreement.

“You have your music videos,” he said, “made by some corporate big shot, with sluts and idiots selling softcore porn to your children, and you tell me my music is offensive”.

Lady Gaga film clip 'Alejandro'

I’ve heard a lot about heavy metal that isn’t kind. That it’s stupid sounds for stupid people. That the vocalists sound like the Cookie Monster. That it isn’t music, it’s noise. When apparently, some flamboyantly-named disc jockey pressing the ‘play’ button on a bunch of sounds manufactured by a computer is music.

I went to see Melbourne heavy metal outfit Be’lakor recently, and was amazed by their talent. The lead singer, instead of customary flowing locks to headbang with, was sporting a cleanly cropped ‘do. When I remarked on the hairstyle, I was told that he had to keep it short because during the day, he was a lawyer.

Be'lakor

Stupid people indeed.

Before I knew heavy metal existed, I used to get my inappropriate-music kicks from Eminem. Once when I was about ten or eleven, my mother heard my older sister and I discussing the lyrics to Stan. Wanting to protect me from such obscenities, she took my Eminem cassette out of my room and taped over it with the first Savage Garden album. I was heartbroken – and it didn’t stop me from enjoying offensive music.

I know mum had good intentions when she took away my beloved Eminem tape. But I know that, if asked whether I would let my children listen to heavy metal, I would say yes. Instead of harming my innocent mind, I’ve actually found heavy metal to be cathartic as well as uplifting.

Neige and Audrey Sylvain from Amesoeurs

But, some might ask, what if my child wants something else? What if they want to listen to the pop stars, the manufactured sounds, the softcore pornography video clips of their day?

Then I’ll say, sit down. Listen. And if Cannibal Corpse’s Hammer Smashed Face doesn’t make you want to pump your fists, if Amesoeurs’ Bonheur Amputé doesn’t scream into your soul, if Slayer’s Raining Blood doesn’t send shivers down your spine and if Metallica’s Nothing Else Matters doesn’t make you fall in love, then I’ll be the very first person to buy you whatever music makes those feelings come alive for you.

Because in the end, finding the music you love is the greatest gift of all.

Banal

@LuluAttack: I’m going to watch the 1938 movie Robin Hood and eat soup for dinner

@PalpFaction: I’ve had a pretty good dvd day

@kassi_grace: Went all the way to Tafe to be told I could go home. I got out of bed and everything!

@jessamy_sesame: it’s choc chip peanut butter biscuit time

I’ve been on Twitter for a little while now, and one of the major criticisms I hear about it is that it’s full of trivial details about people’s lives. It’s even been described as the most boring, banal pastime ever invented.

People telling you what they had for lunch. Quotes from TV shows. Silly little thoughts that go nowhere. But while it’s true that many tweets are devoid of depth and substance, banality is just what makes the medium so successful.

People adore the banal, and nowhere is this more apparent than the Melbourne Comedy Festival. Big names and bigger headshots are splashed across posters and promise their prospective audiences untold amounts of hilarity. But when you go to a show, instead of the mysteries of the universe, you get a catalogue of the very small things in life indeed.

Arj Barker

At this year’s comedy gala, we had Russell Kane hunting for girls with low self-esteem because he has none of his own, Wil Anderson impersonating a pushy fragrance salesman who told him it wasn’t a fragrance, it was a weapon, and Sammy J divulging a range of ‘secrets’ that included eating a friend’s lasagne, texting while driving, jaywalking and pissing in the spa.

Frank Woodley

And people laugh their figurative heads off. Because when it comes down to it, the banalities of life are the things we spend the most time doing. Brushing our teeth, waiting for the train, losing our keys, being irritated by customer service. Even extreme sports calendar models can relate to wanting that extra few minutes in bed in the morning.

It’s the little things that make up every day that we share with other people, knowing they do the same things. And through telling stories, cracking jokes or posting these mundane realities on Twitter, I think whatever keeps us together as humans is worth celebrating.

Boring or not.